You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
