just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
