I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
