its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
