Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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