capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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