to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
