he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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