So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Your cock deserves a montage
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
