My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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