I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
