she was so not down for the gang bang
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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