I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
