on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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