He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
