I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
