her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
