capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
