im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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