o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
