Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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