I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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