So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
