Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
be right there i have to get my cape
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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