Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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