you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
