Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
