Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
