from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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