im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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