also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
