I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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