whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
