Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
this is an emotional support booty call
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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