16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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