fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
