I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
