Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
