She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
