I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
