well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
