I didn't shave. On purpose
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
