Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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