My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
