Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
