No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
