new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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