Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
