suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
