The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
