I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
