drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
