Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
