3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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